apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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