THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
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