I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
