I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
