i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
