apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
