What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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