We won't sleep together?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize