Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
