I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
