The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Randomize
