At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
