Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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