I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
