About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Randomize
