Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
