I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize