true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
