I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
