she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize