When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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