I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
