He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
