just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
