You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
