Reggie can tackle my bush.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
