i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
