for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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