Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize