I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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