just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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