Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
