you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
