I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
