oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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