Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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