I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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