the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Dear god my vagina.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
