Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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