my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
