I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
you will always have a special place in my vag
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
