so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
