Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize