So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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