Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Still dying that you shit outside
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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