A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
