Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
