On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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