I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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