I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
