My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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