What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
