I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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