don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
