i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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