Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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