sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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