Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize