I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
