i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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