I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Randomize
