you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
