how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
