Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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