I'm going to jail i love you
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
