I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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