Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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