Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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