im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Let's get the cat blown out
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
