I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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